I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
