I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
