I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
