"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
