If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
