Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
