Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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