Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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