Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
