I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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