someone owes me an orgasm
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
