there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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