need another drink. this is the easiest way
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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