I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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