You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The Olympian is in my bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
