yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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