When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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