I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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