I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
