Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
