That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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