she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
