i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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