I accidentally had phone sex last night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
