i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
