Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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