alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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