Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
