Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
