I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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