Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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