There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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