Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
