what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
