im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
