She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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