he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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