My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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