You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
