Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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