He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish you could order shots online.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
