oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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