dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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