I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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