thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
