Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
