You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
