You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
