Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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