Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
