He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
