yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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