I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize