There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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