Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
