pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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