Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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