I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize