Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
