k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
two words: eviction party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
