Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
