somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
