I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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