Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
