So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
