I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
